Out of My Mind

I don't know what is wrong with me.  One day I'm fine, great even.  The next day I'm back down.  One day I'm getting everything done, taking the kids out, making dinner, going to a meeting, going to the gym.  Just on top of everything I should be.  The next, I wake up and I want to die.  Just like that.  No reason behind it.  Just miserable, hating myself, hating life, wanting to isolate and hide from the world.  I don't get it.  My sponsor says that sometimes there is just no reason for these ups and downs.  She says I just have to endure them, that they will pass.  I have to take a deep breath, hold on and just know that it will pass.  I do know that they will pass.  Keeping this log of my journey has been a good reminder that there are good days.  I just wish that I didn't have to keep sinking back down.  It's miserable down here.  I can't accomplish anything and accomplishing anything is the only way I know how to feel a little bit better.  I got off of my psych meds alittle over a month ago.  I think it's time to find a psychiatrist.  I don't think I can conquer this depression on my own.  I didn't want all the side effects that come with the medications I've been on but I can't wake up every day feeling like everything is so hard.  Because if I really look at it.  I have to make a few beds, dress my kids and myself, put some things away, do some laundry and make dinner.  That's all I have to do and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.  The ridiculousness of it makes me even more depressed.  Makes me loathe myself even more.  God, I am so tired of this.  Please help me, if you can.  I am so very tired of this.