74 Days

I wake up every morning in a miserable mood.  The second my eyes open, I just want to pull the covers up over my head and go back to sleep.  As I'm forced out of bed by my daily obligations, I feel a horrible sense of dread.  Not very grateful, I know.  It does get better though.  As I get dressed and get my children dressed and start moving and doing what needs to be done I start to feel better.  The dread starts to lift and the day takes over.  Once I'm out and about I do feel better.  This is where the gratitude comes in.  If I didn't have my beautiful little girls to get up out of bed for I probably would just pull the covers back over my head and hide from the world.  So I guess, in a sense, I am grateful for my obligations.

Something about me that I hate everything that I have to do, before I do it.  Afterwards, I feel better.  I feel better that I accomplished something or that I did something to better myself or whatever it might be.  Now I just need to work on not despising and dreading the things I have to do every day.  It would be nice to wake up one morning and not feel that sick to my stomach, god i hate life, feeling.  Because I don't.  I don't hate life.  It's tough alot of days but it is worth it at the end of the day.  I love my children.  I love my husband.  I have a really blessed life.  I am grateful for everything today (even though I feel cruddy and anxious and a bit overwhelmed). 

74 days and counting.