First Attempt

As my title suggests, this is my first attempt at creating a post, or a blog, for that matter.  I figure I might begin by explaining the name I chose for my blog, as it will also give you a pretty good idea of me.

Trying Gratitude.....hmmmmmm.....where do I begin?  I am a recovering heroin addict who has also come to grips with the fact that alcohol and pills and cocaine and marijuana and food and cigarettes and pets and handbags are also a problem for me.  The only thing I can't seem to get addicted to is going to the gym.  I am 34 years old, a mom of two, a wife (of one), and I live in a nice house in the suburbs of Long Island. My husband is a lawyer and I drive a nice Sport Utility Vehicle. 

How does a heroin addict end up in these quite dignified circumstances, you might ask?  Well, I quit using heroin for about an 8 year stretch.  I got a full time job, went back to school, finished my degree and met a man who would later become my husband.  During that time, I was drinking, socially, I thought.  It was my husband-to-be who worked tirelessly, and not without a fight, to help me see that my drinking might not be as normal as I wanted to believe it was.  Let it suffice to say, blackouts and still calling for shots at last call were the norm (although it was justified in my mind because I only did it on weekends with my girlfriends...never mind it was the first "drug" I used and that my first attempt at suicide was made under its influence). 

Anyway, we got pregnant with our first daughter.  On a dramatically rainy day in Manhattan, Charlie (soon to be husband), met me in front of a book store with a big umbrella, my tears masked by the rain I had been drenched in walking from the doctor's office to where I met him.  He comforted me with a hug and told me everything would be ok.  He asked "Do you love me?"  I replied that I did.  He said, "I love you too.  And that's all that matters". 

And so it began.  My life as a wife, a mother, a suburban housewife, and a recovering addict. 

Since this post is too long for my liking already, I'm going to end here.  Even though I never really got to the "trying gratitude" explanation, I will say that I did not stay clean after I fell into my fairytale ending.  As of today I have 65 days clean and sober.  65 days and counting.....keep your fingers crossed.